My name is Allayna. I’ve been involved with Victory in Christ Ministries for over 6 months now. A lot of you may not have even been aware it was more than Kirk running this ministry. I was asked by Kirk, the founder, to help with the ministry and to partner with him. At first I was really confused as to why he wanted me to help seeing as I have never struggled with suicide or self harm. Through many hours of talking about this, he revealed to me the reason he thought I should be a part of VCM and revealed the potential that I has to help those who were hurting.
You see, I may not have been the one suffering from suicidal thoughts or the one with the desire to inflict pain upon myself. I was the person watching it. I was the person who was left to desk with the after math of such decisions. My 20 years that I have been alive have been hard, I’ve seen things a child should never see, and I matured at a very young age because of the things I witness in my family.
To be more specific, my brothers meant the world to me growing up. I have 3 older brothers who are a lot older than me….I came a lot later in life for my parents! My three brothers have loved a very hard life style. They all became involved with drugs and alcohol to the point that it’s a miracle they are still alive today. The drugs and alcohol ruled their life and controlled them. Months would sometimes go by when I didn’t know if one of my brothers was dead, where they were, or where they had disappeared to. I saw first hand what their life style was doing to them. I’m not going to go into much detail about all of that, you can privately message me if you wish to know however.
As the heavy alcohol and numerous drugs continued to deteriorate their life, they lost their hope. They tried to fill a hole that became bigger every second. They become depressed, suicidal, and caused self harm to themselves. They wanted to die because they didn’t have hope to continue their life. I caught suicidal acts in the progress and had to stop them. I uncovered the mess left over from cutting. I’ve seen things that will never be erased from my mind. It tore me to pieces each day seeing my brothers do this to themselves. No one wants to see someone they love do things like this and to “fix” their depression with pills and alcohol, let alone see it up close and person to THREE people they love dearly.
Very recently, however, one brother has turned from his old ways and now walks the path God laid out for him. My oldest brother is in the processes of coming to terms and turning away from his old life. However, my youngest brother is still lost in a dark place and my heart still hurts for him. I have witnessed countless miracles and I continue to pray that my youngest brother will one day find the hope that I know and that my brother knows.
I believe that God is the ultimate healer and the ultimate hope everyone is looking for. If you are like me and haven’t personally struggled with suicide, self harm, or depression but know people who are…reach out. I’m here to talk and to listen. I know what it’s like to be on the outside watching everything happen. I know what suicide, self harm, and depression does to people and to their families. The answer isn’t a razor, or pills, or alcohol….the answer is JESUS.
We are here to share with you the hope that we found, the hope that my brother found and that is Jesus.